Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
