Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
