Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
