I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
