I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
