She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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