Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
