And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
