i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
