if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
