you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize