I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
