He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
