be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize