how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize