apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
