stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
