yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
