i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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