so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
