I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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