You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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