As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he was CRYING into my vagina
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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