I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
