Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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