I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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