At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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