Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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