Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
