I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize