I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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