i can't believe i had my finger in that
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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