my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
