but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
