Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
