Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize