Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
