I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
