So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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