Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
