either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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