saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
