hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
