i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
