Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
