Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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