i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
