i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
