his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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