Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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