what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
