you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
