Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
