Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
