There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my liver is dry heaving
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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