Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
