Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
