I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
