there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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