this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
