Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
