I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
