I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
