Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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