I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I will be naked everywhere
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
