tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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