i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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