Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
