I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have post one night stand depression
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
