once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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