...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize