I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
