Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
