is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
