Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
