you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
