wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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