three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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