Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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