his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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