Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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