I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
