my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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