He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
