Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
