you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
