I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
