i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
