I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So drunk its hurt
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
