Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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