I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize