you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
