maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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