I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
