so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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