i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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