And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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