just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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