He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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