i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
