I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
