My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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