I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
