My room smells like vodka and shame
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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