oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize