I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
