I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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