I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
