My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
