the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
