I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
