Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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