It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
