I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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