she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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