We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
