No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
