Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
