I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
