We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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