"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
