Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize