He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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