Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
