Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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