what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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